Brendan was a year and a half old when we found out grandpa had cancer. Coming home from the hospital weak and on oxygen was not easy for any of us but it seemed especially scary to Brendan. Possibly the noise from the concentrator made him nervous. Or just the the nose tubing itself was the reason. (as I wear oxygen myself I get odd looks from my two year old grandson ... yes, Brendan's son lol)
Brendan was always playful and cheery however, when close to grandpa he was stiff as a board and seemed emotionless. I remember on Father's Day grandpa's Godchild, Ann, and a friend came to visit. The friend was going to play the penny whistle for dad so I put Brendan on my dad's bed. He instantly froze. I took him off and he just stood across the room listening to the music.
Five days later would be grandpa's last. My mother arranged for hospice to come as dad was getting harder to care for. The hospice nurse showed up around 10:00 am
I don't know if Brendan understood what was being said or if he just had a feeling. He left the kitchen and went towards the room where grandpa was. I didn't rush because I knew Brendan hadn't, to this point, gone close to grandpa or the equipment. Arriving at the door of his room I found Brendan standing on the bed frame leaning over his grandpa looking to the door as watching for me. When he saw me he turned toward grandpa and gave him a kiss on the cheek as grandpa kissed him back.
He then came over to me hugging my leg. He looked up at me, then toward grandpa, and again at me as to say he's dying mom can't you do anything. I have always believed with Brendan being so young and grandpa being so close to death they shared a special 'heavenly' bond that day. Grandpa was gone within the hour.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Saying Goodbye To Grandpa
Saying goodbye to grandpa was not easy, especially for Christopher. They had a close relationship in the short nine years they had together.
While grandpa was in the denial stage he was telling Christopher plans he had for them when he got better. I had the unfortunate task of telling Christopher grandpa would probably not live to carry out any of them.
The morning of his passing Christopher could not bring himself to see grandpa. I tried many times telling him his grandpa would not live much longer.
Finally Christopher found the courage and went to his grandpa. Unable to speak you could see in his eyes he was telling Christopher he loved him. They held hands while Christopher, through his tears, told grandpa he loved him. Grandpa shedding tears as well. Then they kissed each other goodbye.
It wasn't too much longer after that farewell grandpa left us. I always believed grandpa hung on waiting for Christopher to say goodbye. Possibly even giving him the courage to make that tearful memory.
While grandpa was in the denial stage he was telling Christopher plans he had for them when he got better. I had the unfortunate task of telling Christopher grandpa would probably not live to carry out any of them.
The morning of his passing Christopher could not bring himself to see grandpa. I tried many times telling him his grandpa would not live much longer.
Finally Christopher found the courage and went to his grandpa. Unable to speak you could see in his eyes he was telling Christopher he loved him. They held hands while Christopher, through his tears, told grandpa he loved him. Grandpa shedding tears as well. Then they kissed each other goodbye.
It wasn't too much longer after that farewell grandpa left us. I always believed grandpa hung on waiting for Christopher to say goodbye. Possibly even giving him the courage to make that tearful memory.
Always End With "I Love You!"
My father was in the hospital for his 60th birthday. That ended up being the day we were told he had kidney cancer. Little did we know he would leave us a short 73 days later. We took care of him at home the best we could. I worked nights so stayed with him during the days while my mother, sister, and brother covered the evenings.
He had many fellow real estate agents visiting him and asking if we needed anything. A few even offered to stay with him long enough for me to run to the store or pick up his medicine. For this I was always grateful and dad genuinely enjoyed their visits. He would tell everyone he would most likely lose his hair from chemo and planned on wearing one of those rainbow clown wigs when he returned to the office.
Towards the end his response to most questions such as "do you want to listen to music?" (Enya was his favorite) or "do you want to watch tv?" was "I don't care." When I came home from work dad was usually awake and I would sit and talk to him. He'd tell stories of his childhood or of my younger days. To this day I regret not writing them down or better yet recording him.
As I said goodnight I always asked "do you want me to turn off the light?" His response "I don't care." I always turned it off while saying "goodnight daddy, I love you." To this his response would be "me too Mary Ellen." Well this one night as I said goodnight I didn't ask about the light. I have absolutely no idea why but I neglected to say I love you as well. I made it halfway down the hall before my dad said "aren't you going to turn off the light?" I informed him that he always said he didn't care and I was never clear if he wanted it on or off. My dad asked me to turn it off. At that point my dad said "Thank you Mary Ellen. I love you." I answered "me too Daddy"
The next morning my dad was somewhat alert but unable to speak. He passed away shortly before noon. I had no idea why I did not say I love you to my dad the night before but in doing so the last words I will always remember my dad saying to me is "Thank you Mary Ellen. I love you."
From that day on I make it a point to always say I love you when leaving people I care about. Especially my two sons. Hopefully, no matter what, the last words my sons will remember me saying to them is "I love you!" ~ which I do with all my heart and soul.
He had many fellow real estate agents visiting him and asking if we needed anything. A few even offered to stay with him long enough for me to run to the store or pick up his medicine. For this I was always grateful and dad genuinely enjoyed their visits. He would tell everyone he would most likely lose his hair from chemo and planned on wearing one of those rainbow clown wigs when he returned to the office.
Towards the end his response to most questions such as "do you want to listen to music?" (Enya was his favorite) or "do you want to watch tv?" was "I don't care." When I came home from work dad was usually awake and I would sit and talk to him. He'd tell stories of his childhood or of my younger days. To this day I regret not writing them down or better yet recording him.
As I said goodnight I always asked "do you want me to turn off the light?" His response "I don't care." I always turned it off while saying "goodnight daddy, I love you." To this his response would be "me too Mary Ellen." Well this one night as I said goodnight I didn't ask about the light. I have absolutely no idea why but I neglected to say I love you as well. I made it halfway down the hall before my dad said "aren't you going to turn off the light?" I informed him that he always said he didn't care and I was never clear if he wanted it on or off. My dad asked me to turn it off. At that point my dad said "Thank you Mary Ellen. I love you." I answered "me too Daddy"
The next morning my dad was somewhat alert but unable to speak. He passed away shortly before noon. I had no idea why I did not say I love you to my dad the night before but in doing so the last words I will always remember my dad saying to me is "Thank you Mary Ellen. I love you."
From that day on I make it a point to always say I love you when leaving people I care about. Especially my two sons. Hopefully, no matter what, the last words my sons will remember me saying to them is "I love you!" ~ which I do with all my heart and soul.
Trapped On A Mountain
A friend, who was an experienced hiker, took Christopher and another boy hiking. They were going up the mountain side behind us. I wasn't real worried because I knew he was familiar with the area and had been on numerous hikes before. So with a backpack filled with snacks and water, a hug, a kiss, a warning to be careful and listen to Mike, and of course a wish to have fun ~ off he went.
I went on with my day. Early afternoon a disabled acquaintance who was unable to drive was looking for a ride to the store. Needing some items myself I offered to take him. As we got closer to home we noticed a helicopter flying nearby. Then while entering the gate I was informed the helicopter was trying to rescue Christopher and his friend.
I drove the car to the house and started walking toward the gate with Brendan. A police car stopped me and asked if I was Christopher's mom. As I said yes he told me to get in the car he would take me to the rescue sight. My heart sank and it seemed to take forever. I don't remember much other than finally holding Christopher in my arms.
Apparently they reached a point on the mountain that was very soggy and they were unable to get a grip to climb out. Mike knew he could climb out so he left instructions for the boys to stay right where they were and he would go for help. Christopher said his friend got scared and wanted to try to climb out but he refused saying they were told to stay there. He admitted he was scared too but tried to keep his friend calm.
When the helicopter man got to them Christopher said to take his friend first. When it was his turn he was told he could not carry out anything. Christopher tried to put his Notre Dame hat under his shirt telling the rescuer he was not leaving his hat. I think he said the man put it on his head for safe keeping. All I know is he kept his hat.
I was so proud of Christopher that day. They were told if they had moved they might not have been able to get them out. As it was the first man down got into wet ground and had to be lifted out himself. I was also thankful to Mike for his experience and help in having the boys rescued. As well as the helicopter rescue team.
I went on with my day. Early afternoon a disabled acquaintance who was unable to drive was looking for a ride to the store. Needing some items myself I offered to take him. As we got closer to home we noticed a helicopter flying nearby. Then while entering the gate I was informed the helicopter was trying to rescue Christopher and his friend.
I drove the car to the house and started walking toward the gate with Brendan. A police car stopped me and asked if I was Christopher's mom. As I said yes he told me to get in the car he would take me to the rescue sight. My heart sank and it seemed to take forever. I don't remember much other than finally holding Christopher in my arms.
Apparently they reached a point on the mountain that was very soggy and they were unable to get a grip to climb out. Mike knew he could climb out so he left instructions for the boys to stay right where they were and he would go for help. Christopher said his friend got scared and wanted to try to climb out but he refused saying they were told to stay there. He admitted he was scared too but tried to keep his friend calm.
When the helicopter man got to them Christopher said to take his friend first. When it was his turn he was told he could not carry out anything. Christopher tried to put his Notre Dame hat under his shirt telling the rescuer he was not leaving his hat. I think he said the man put it on his head for safe keeping. All I know is he kept his hat.
I was so proud of Christopher that day. They were told if they had moved they might not have been able to get them out. As it was the first man down got into wet ground and had to be lifted out himself. I was also thankful to Mike for his experience and help in having the boys rescued. As well as the helicopter rescue team.
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